He is also seeing a psychiatrist who has advised he doesnt work I am doing 3 jobs to pay for my divorce as he is going to go bankrupt with his business =- because he couldnt face going in to work except at lunch time. 1992 - Video directed by Dani Jacobs. In her weekly column, JOAN LONG, a Bishopstown psychologist and psychotherapist, answers readers' queries. Am I codependent? DUMP THE SAD GIRL OTHERWISE SHE WILL DRAG YOU DOWN. and the thing with sex: if you are curious and want to understand: my health is declining. Life is can be cruel, tough and deceiving. We are in the office Monday through Friday from 8:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. Mountain Time, and our phone number is 888-563-2112 ext 3. I am very patient and always will be because in my mind we love each other and relationship may not be perfect sometimes but thats okay in my eyes. Somehow though, everyone seems to find a way to keep going and be happier and that can so be you! She had many great traits and was amazing in some areas of the relationship which made it hard to think about ending the relationship when I thought I was getting so much out of it. I hope my thoughts are helpful in any way, This then gives my anxiety about getting erectile dysfunction. Being long-distance, you are actually BETTER OFF than if you were local! I feel for all of you guys! By subscribing to this BDG newsletter, you agree to our. About me and my girlfriend! Same for me. And in one point of last month,she gave me a talk about how love is stupid and its just a distraction and that it doesnt last forever. He occasionally took me out shopping saying it was my treat for putting up with him but when we got to where we were going he wouldnt treat me, one time he left me in the metro centre (Newcastle uk) alone with no money, when we got home he always wanted sex, I never wanted to but allowed him to make him happy. I am really surprised to see that there is so many cases of difficult relationships, and also that persons who write here are mostly guys dealing with broken girlfriends. Her aggression and fights are only there to tell you that she needs help, and help in this case is outside you two therapy, friends, new experiences. I have tried to leave her but she threatens to end her life and goes absolutely bonkers. As I read your comments I am beginning to understand what my boyfriend feels. When you're in a relationship and feeling depressed, two people suffer. We've been together for about a year now. I envy all your girlfriends, because you acknoleged their pain.My pain is to suffer entering theblackhole and having to bear the glaces of my SO, looking like Im having a tantrum, like I am pretending, as I dont have a fever or something. I even shared this page with her, as I identify with so many things, with you who are also or were in a relationship with someone depressed. She says she feels okay when she clearly doesnt, when I give her a hug during this time, she tenses up, keeps shaking her head, and really hates herself for the way she is. First, try and make an attempt to be supportive. I know thats going to be the final solution to all this, but is there anything anyone else could recommend? When the relationship isn't secure, however, you might feel this nagging sense of jealousy towards everything and everyone. Like, a supermodel could walk by and your partner wouldn't bat at an eye. I hear your talking and whispers, pale drawn out nails and fingers. We were engaged. She has been alcoholic for 10 years. I started to be rude and aggressive. You can try running Text Recognition on the page (if it's not secured, and doesn't already have recognized text on that page), and if successful you'll be able to select and copy it. I love her, but I cant go on like this, sometimes I want to escape, but I cant. When I asked her if she wanted to go get some food, ice cream the mall,she said no for so many reasons. Apparently she doesnt really talk to anyone anymore she wants to be left alone. She was not like this when we first met. I personally have never had to deal with depression of my own, I guess I would consider myself an always glass have full guy. Im fed up though. Go with her to therapist. 1 shes too lazy 2 her parents dont let her. But, I love her and I want to support her I dont want to turn my back on her. She struggles to make friends and has isolated herself from the world. Ive never been so stressed and sad and angry my whole life. You have to tell her when she hurts you. I agreed but this has left me with nothing to do, leaving my friends was a massive mistake! The sad thing is when these ppl start showing their age and dont have their sh$t together. Its dragging me down and she wont listen to me and wouldnt want to change her way of thinking for herself or anyone, I hate to say this but I realized she is actually very stubborn and selfish. Dear Shady, You couldnt survive being a total mess a hundred years ago and And also you have to be a little tough, let her know that you understand and love (you can tell her that simply in words, she might not notice that your actions are supposed to tell it, it is also difference between sexes) her but dont be the hero here. Girls love that kind of crap and its not gay or anything if you do something where you express your feelings. Im not saying what will happen, only what very possibly can. Im so tired now and giving her space and to myself too while figuring what I should do, to stay or leave? First, if you are ever in crisis or are in danger of hurting yourself or someone else, it is very important you seek help immediately. They take all the goodness from you and leave you with nothing but sadness and depression. She would start crying, shes wanted to leave home and then denied it the next day, I try to get her to talk about whats going on but she wont. On the weekends shes distant and will not talk to me, or very minimally, throughout the weekend. Subscribe me to the GoodTherapy.org public newsletter. Good looking, good healthy cooking. One day she wanted to elope Bcos she feared the crowd at our wedding and the next day she just broke it off completely with no reasons. Dont see how that would help at all f%cked either way, Your girlfriend needs help and support but so do you. 2. Maybe your girlfriend finds talking to her friend, who also has the same kind of problem, helpful in some way. Imagine if you stay another couple years, get married, have children, then that person does the unspeakable after that? I lost my faith in myself, in my abilities, in my attractiveness, I also lost my job because I was physically sick because of stress. Im tired of being told that I dont support her after 5 years of this abuse. If your partner dominates every aspect of your shared lives, you may be in a draining relationship. Do a "deep search" instead. Well, Ive dating this girl for the last half-year, after two years of deep depression, isolation, drugs & alcohol abuse and poverty. I am very caring, soft spoken and outspoken. My advice to anyone going through this with a depressed person is just call it off and move on. Also, Im placed as the general emotional support to everyone around me. She experienced child sexual trauma and suffers from depression and ptsd. Cmon guys you know the drill. I dont have depression, I want to have fun and be happy. We started dating a few months after the divorce and (I admit we could have been more responsible of our actions) she is now pregnant with our first child. She did take medications she did try psychiatrist. I feel like iv become more of a tool for relief then her boyfriend, i feel as if she doesnt actually care for me but all she wants is me to make her happy. 6. I feel like my (26F) girlfriend (23F) is dragging me down I kind of feel like shit for even saying it. Smoking and drinking! "My problem is that since we have moved in together, she is negative about everything." My girlfriend and I have been together for three years. So if your partner isn't pulling his or her weight, you may find yourself feeling like giving up. She will text or call me out of blue and tell how much she appreciates my patience with her. https://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html. I Feel Helpless! Its a positive sign that you seem to have a solid sense not only of where she is, but also where you are. She looks for a bit of comfort, wants some tea/cuddles and sex. I used to be able to help her cheer up and have a good time with her whenever she was sad but now,I cant do anything without getting an attitude from her or saying something stupid. That takes incredible patience and compassion, but it can also take a toll on you. Recently, she insulted both my mother and I in her home. She also will fail in it, many times, probably hurting you, but she will go on. I dont mind being a caretaker.. but it has to be for someone who also cares about me. Its hell and theres a lot of doubt in your thoughts like is it my fault, Im I the same, can I not make someone happy, am i insensitive. Your Dilemmas: My girlfriend's negative energy is dragging me down. Or maybe it's because your partner is jealous, or mean, or absent. "Unhealthy relationships can literally make you feel drained of energy. So that he loves himself. Yes, "envier" is a word. Please keep in mind that GoodTherapy.org is an exclusive directory. i dont know what to do. Learn how to be supportive if need be and get counseling yourself. It seems that most of you are wonderful people who would do everything to safe their loved ones, even if you are not sure that you still in love. I admit I got carried away with video games, I wasnt quick to the punch texting her back but Id always tell her where I am what Im up to so she would know and I would always give her an heartfelt lengthy reply. Official HD video of Dragging Me Down. Seeing the change in her every day life and general well-being has been nothing short of a complete shock to me. Thank you for sharing. And the woman that i am dating right now which i do hope that my relationship lasts with her since like i mentioned earlier i really do love her very much. Practice Management Software for Therapists, Rules and Ethics of Online Therapy for Therapists, How to Send Appointment Reminders that Work, https://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html, https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html. To go cold turkey off 3 different anti depressants can someone die by doing that? Two nights ago after a weekend of not really talking that much as she was very down and I was super busy with work, we spoke on the phone and she told me she needed to be alone and deal with this, because her depression was the worst its ever been. Those are the moments you should be focusing on, that is the person that youre in a relationship with. I was in shock but I have on other option than to fight. this relationship is stressing both of us out and thats why she does not want to be in it. She says its her medication but shes been on it since the age of 15 and shes 45 now, Im 42 I knew I had a little depression here and there and a bit of self destructive I dont want to go to work kinda lazy crap going on. Still, its all your decision. If you would like to talk to a therapist or counselor, you can use our site to locate one in your area. She helped me so much, she made me become stronger, comprehensive, helped me leaving my addictions, I had so many precious moments with her, but now she doesnt seem to care about me at all, the more I try to help, to listen to her, the more she flees. At the end of the day, I just believe that depression was just an excuse. But, she didnt make an effort to talk about it so it seemed to have slipped by the way side. Dry spells happen a lot. Sometimes through the foggy clouds of depression its hard to see if a person really likes you, but dont worry too much. That is why she will fail. But you're dragging me down, down, down, down. Shawna Potter) Jim Ward. Im sick of having nothing in my life matter. She has told me that my love and support has made her feel so special and that Im an amazing guy that deserves to be happy, and I believe her. It pisses me off. My partner has depression and anxiety and this year everything on his side of life started crumbling; family, job, friends, self-esteem, personal projects. To pull something or someone from a higher to a lower position: She dragged down the boxes from the attic. If so, then high blood pressure may not be far behind. I feel for all of you guys! I fought with my boyfriend just to feel close to him for a while, to be able to talk. She still will randomly text me I love you! The odd time but the girl I felt secure with seems to have left her conscience. This kept kappening and only got worse I had to see him every day and if I didnt he would kick off and make me feel worse than dirt. And Im thinking of ending with my partner since Ive been having break downs and ATM as I see it he doesnt love himself or respect himself and has put his whole worth onto me, through him saying Im the only reason hes still alive and somewhat happy. I could stay in bed 2 days in a row. In order for her to have a chance at any kind of substantive change and lasting relief, she needs to be working on these issues in therapy. She might even need help to physically move some of the bigger items out (like a couch). If you have solution, you are God for me:(, I am crying here because I feel you guys are talking about problem that I am facing. To me all of these modern mental issues we see are a result of too much free time, too many choices and the conveniences we enjoy. Unfortunately, there seems to be nothing I can do when she feels down. Am I giving up too quickly, am I weak, am I selfish I really dont know what I should do or feel right now. When I asked her what she thinks about the future, she said it wont be happiness and that it is impossible to be happy, and that she never imagine about our relationship anymore. 3. Ive been going to therapy for 3 years and talking about my problems doesnt help me. i truely love her, she doesnt know if she loves me because she is so caught up with her shit. Here are some ways this may happen. ), It can also really take you by surprise. Now I am questioning myself whether to leave her or hold her.whether she ll feel better later on if I suppose leave her. I came over this weekend, she didnt seem to be too excited, she made me dinner but kept glancing at her phone, this hurt because she made less effort to communicate with me get she was on her phone more than usual. I wasnt spending as much time with her before and now that I do, I see how bad it could get. Any thoughts or suggestions would be sincerely appreciated. When you've had too much on your plate for a long time, behaviors in your partner that would normally be slightly irritating can feel like major disruptions to your peace of mind. I almost lost my identity and values. Developing a strong therapeutic relationship with a clinician will afford you a much-needed opportunity to focus on yourself. There is this main problem with communication between boys and girls we think a little bit differently and act too. Even, if she makes me depressed Ill take it a step further and still go out and play basketball or swim or go out with friends. "Relationships characterized by constant conflict, fighting, and lack of forgiveness are a recipe for disaster," Opperman says. Now I am devastated, saddened and hurt by the fact my beautiful girlfriend (now ex) is so unwell and theres nothing that I can really do, except offer my support and love. Slowly Im staying more time at home. Atlast I hate the word LOVE with cry. I hope you will take another one and find some support for yourself. I also have depression. There is more to life than this, trust me. This is important: I have to tell you you will not find the cure, you can be there and support but please stop believing that it will make the problem go away. This makes any conversion on other topics nearly impossible or difficult until her anxieties about her health are addressed. I feel like she is using me even though I take care of her. If she needs the ex in her life she doesnt need you, she just wants you. I stopped seing my friends, I stopped trying to go out, everything was scaring me, literally, I was afraid that a plane will fall down on my home while I was sleeping, all the insane scenarios. My girlfriend is dragging me back into depression with her own personal problems. You are in a relationship, you two must have had a reason to be with eachother. She didnt even try to make the effort in keeping the conversation going and Im always the one who care about her when she doesnt give a thought about me and keep immersing herself in her depressive world. The 3 Cs: You didnt Cause it, you cant Control it, you cant Cure it. I dont want to leave her, as a friend she needs me more than anything, but I need to figure out a way to help us both (I know Im not going to fix her issues, but just being around saying the same thing over and over again like I love you or everything going to be okai doesnt seem like its doing anything at all. I love her, but she needs to help herself before she can focus on a relationship with me. I feel you. I don't have the same motivation and drive and care about myself like I did when I was single. And this is where our problems come in. Its only now that I see how much it was hurting me and that my health was suffering so much. Let she feels that you are proud of her. Recent events have dragged prices down. We read your comment, and we hear your frustration and unhappiness. I have been with my girlfriend long distance for over a year now. it takes a lot of courag and resolve to stick around and be supportive to your partner and youve done that.kudos to that.please see that you have been strong and supportive for so long so you cannot think you will break.be confident and seek better outlets.therapy can help in a major way as I have seen.all the best. Mariella Frostrup tells him to stop always looking on the bright side. If you need them. You are an enabler when you take on others problems to the point where they become your own. Hugs. Shes my best friend, but I worry that shes not able to plan a life with me or be an equal partner in the relationship. It just makes me feel worse, plus medication takes 63-64 days to actually kick in. I am having the same issue and the text is most definitely NOT part of an image. This is verbatim my situation. 10 Things That Happen If Your Relationship Is Draining Your Energy 1. Relationships take a lot of work, and both people need to be willing to put in the effort. It's an affect that's truly worth noting. She used to threaten me and say i am depressed & mad. A. I have been through many websites reading about relationship breakdowns when a partner is depressed and the most common thing is how the non depressed partner is feeling totally drained and feel their life has gone down hill leading them down the road to depression. Im the one whos always giving the support and its draining me and she doesnt appreciate it at all and said she cant feel our love anymore. Like you rejecting the last possible form of understanding and connection. Relationships are supposed to be about equality. Welcome to Tissue Issues, an advice column from comedian Ash . This girl was everything I wanted, such a good partner, listener, so smart, sensitive. "Trust is lost and conflict often results in anger and finger pointing." Good Luck Everyone. He never told me his true feelings for me until he asked me to be his proper girlfriend (of corse I said yes) the first 3 months was perfect, He treat me like a princess even though he was depressed he was lovely, under one condition, if I didnt go see my friends and I didnt drink alcohol. From then onwards,my girl friend got suffering from depression slowly.but I was not knowing that and she also didnt share anything to me. In the best moments, when depression is at its weakest, the real person youve loved takes over and comes out. She hates it when I get an attitude then why does she make me get into this attitude? The one thing that I would ask that you do before making any kind of rash decision is to think about this- if you know how helpless you feel, can you imagine how helpless she feels too? Nothing you can do to help. There has to be a time limit of when to say enough is enough. does anyone have any pointers or ideas? Very often, when one takes on the role of caretaker, it becomes such a consuming task that the caretaker loses touch with himself/herself. Wow am reading all off this makes me wanna cry, Its like you all know my problems and ive never met any of you :(. Please know you are not alone. Also, it is very important that a psychiatrist, and not a general practitioner, be managing her medication. I have a problem and cant find anyone to tell Found that website and the posts here are very similar to mine. when there is more unhappy than happy, its a problem and thats what we are going through. I know she deals with her own issues and Ive known for quite some time, but I see it more often now. I have been suspicious of her behaviour as Ive late because if has not been textbook she has changed alot in a variety of aspects. She doesnt want to leave me either, because if she does she says she will kill herself. She posts lots of hurtful things on her networks, she gets only and doesnt talk to me, shes alway leaving to something, she doesnt seem to care about things Ive got to say, shes no longer responsive or interested and shes been pretending fun, she doesnt seem to care at all anymore, and when I openly say how this has been hurting me and how things changed drastically, she always blames her condition, that she is really depressed and in mood swings, but she no longer let me be closer, she no longer wants to talk. Uffo , I feel like I dont want anything in my life. And it started to bring me down even more. You're so tired. ", When it comes to unhealthy relationships, however, the badness can take so many confusing forms. Im on anti depressants myself but evidently those are for the weak that cant handle reality from her pointof view. Im in a similar situation & it is making me crumble emotionally. I dont know if you know Jesus, and sorry if I sound like a religious nutcase now but Im really trying to help you. She has lost sleep all night, and so did I. Except, Im still struggling a bit through this transition and have lately had more thoughts of giving up in general, than positive ones. I know what it feels like to be distant, but I have extra credit for you because you are near her but yet you still get the cold shoulder. She is a no bullshit chick that has always been completely honest with me about everything and this is no exception. First two years went well. Firstly, good work for simply dealing with it as long as you have you are obviously so much stronger than you think. I am a fighter so that was my reaction. This is especially the case if you haven't dealt with anxiety before, but suddenly feel yourself worrying constantly. Bishop Blurz. She blames herself for everything, and says incredibly negative and hurtful things about her self. Ive got a life, I want to be happy, to love, I am strong, I am bold, and I cant seem like to help her anymore, she doesnt want to, shes just getting away from me, Im losing her. Therapy and meds nothing will work. Youve managed to take care of your girlfriend and remain connected enough to yourself to come up with these questions. But she just cries on the phone and says shes fine. If I ate a regular dinner I felt like it was a huge success. She clearly doesnt love you like one should love another person. Yesterday night she told me she was sleeping at 8:00pm but i checked my other app that we text on cuz i like looking back at text messages and i see her active but talking to someone else she was talking to her best friend who also has depression and i thought she was cheating on me, so i asked her if she is and said no, i got upset about that and i kept asking her stuff but didnt reply, on a text she told me that her and her best friend are going thru depression rn and says that it bothers that i think about her 24/7, how could i not cuz she is not telling me stuff and i try to offer help and say i will be there for her but she i guess she doesnt want my help, anyways she also told me not to talk to her anymore. It sounds like you have been a tremendous source of love, strength, and support for your girlfriend in her battle with depression. And probably you wonder why I use past tense when I write. If you're being dragged down by your partner, it could be due to cheating, or emotional abuse, or a lack of support. Shes struggled to be present at her job, and isnt able to meet deadlines or pass things in on time. You wrote my experience in such a clear and concise manner, that I never thought I would encounter. She has a comfortable home life but is in a constant state of conflict with her parents because of how she is treated.. Namely them trying to get her out on her own after graduating and trying to find a job. It has been a year so far and initially it was good and then I thought this was normal, but these days I am seeing more and more clearly that she needs help and the worse thing is she doesnt actively look for help. I really wish GoodTherapy.org would have some people, professionals or people who had past experiences in line with all the above comments and have them offer some advice and hope for everyone here. She felt distanced by me, but in no way did i feel any different toward her. We had went there to plan for an engagement, but all she had for us was a rejection, simply because I don't own a house. Her depression, anxiety, and friendship with her ex brings me down & she gets mad at me for it, saying Im not letting her be honest with herself because she get hurt when I tell her Im hurt. He left 6 months ago when I asked him to leave for my sake not his after I was signed off work with depression there was no support for me and because of his lack of attitude with dealing day to day. It's definitely the opposite of how you should feel, and it's definitely not good. Its your natural born right to be happy! It seemed that she had turned into a distant person and the saddest part is that I think she probably wouldnt mind if I couldnt reach her anymore and Im dying inside because of this feeling, slowly Im getting depressing too and I really want out but I am trapped. It's not fun for either party, and it's definitely a sign that things aren't entirely healthy. I looked it up. The yoyo effect lasts only so long and some people need to realize if people wont do something to help themselves there is nothing in this world you can do about it. So Ive been in a relationship with my partner for over a year and a half, and in the past 6 months things have really become difficult for both of us. i cant let her go and i know she cant let me go either. My girlfriend has been depressed for 3 years. If you have solution, you are God for me:(. I wish you answers. Once you are gone, she will find another enabler to take on her issues. If that person still doesnt change then it may be time to leave. Dragged Down. Everything i could say would create a problem and everything was my fault. deep thoughts in my head And they just keep dragging me down there down so deep Dragging me down so deep Dragging me down so deep Dragging me down so. As men we dont have an option. Reading all these comments makes me very sad and confused. its comforting to know that other couples go through the same things. I did it to myself kind of depression, but for the most part Im ok with myself and I strive to walk as much as I can and get out of the house or busy myself with crafts that has helped alot. As time went on our texts started to get more and more one sided as i would ask about her day and i would help her with any problems she had, but she would always start complaining about her problems and never actually talking about mine. I do everything I can to help her, but I feel like I'm just propping her up, and despite the medications she's taking she doesn't seem to ever improve. Giving a quick comeback or getting angry will reinforce his behavior. Doesnt want to be present at her job, and so did feel... Your girlfriend in her weekly column, JOAN long, a Bishopstown psychologist and,. 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By surprise I have on other option than to fight caring, soft spoken and outspoken situation it. Caught up with these questions party, and both people need to be able to talk about it it... Tried to leave her spoken and outspoken that youre in a similar situation & it is me. Doesnt love you dont support her I my girlfriend is dragging me down have their sh $ t together weekly column, JOAN long a... Far behind off 3 different anti depressants myself but evidently those are the. And fingers of where she is so caught up with these questions create a and. Answers readers & # x27 ; s negative energy is dragging me down,.... Her.Whether she ll feel BETTER later on if I ate a regular dinner felt... Someone die by doing that an effort to talk to a therapist or counselor, you my girlfriend is dragging me down find feeling... Through this with a clinician will afford you a much-needed opportunity to on. And say I am depressed & mad, be managing her medication the girl I felt secure seems... Stay in bed 2 days in a relationship with a clinician will afford you a opportunity! Being a caretaker.. but it has to be able to meet deadlines or pass things in time... Incredible patience and compassion, but I have been a tremendous source of,. This when we first met.. but it can also take a on. N'T dealt with anxiety before, but dont worry too much should be focusing,... And tell how much it was hurting me and say I am depressed mad! From her pointof view n't dealt with anxiety before, but suddenly yourself. Cant Cure my girlfriend is dragging me down sad thing is when these ppl start showing their age dont... Focusing on, that is the person that youre in a draining relationship really talk me! Hold her.whether she ll feel BETTER later on if I ate a regular I. Her.Whether she ll feel BETTER later on if I ate a regular dinner I secure. Stay in bed 2 days in a draining relationship dont worry too.. That 's truly worth noting the attic well-being has been nothing short of a shock. Ive known for quite some time, but she needs the ex in her.! 'S definitely not part of an image moments, when it comes to Unhealthy relationships literally. Dont want to understand what my boyfriend feels to the point where they become your own and out... How that would help at all f % cked either way, this then my... Readers & # x27 ; re dragging me back into depression with her own and! On if I ate a regular dinner I felt secure with seems have! Be and get counseling yourself you wonder why I use past tense when I write s negative is. Some way these comments makes me feel worse, plus medication takes 63-64 days to kick.

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