\u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. Former UK prime minister David Cameron famously faced a backlash after telling a female member of the opposition party to calm down.. As such, theyll treat the one suffering with contempt and mockery rather than compassion, implying that they should just suck it up instead of acting like a baby. Flying off the handle only makes the other person believe that their behaviour is justified. Do you not care? you could say, No, I heard you, I just wasnt able to get to it.. And it's true that a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down sometimes. be careful not to reply to a condescending person with more condescension. One of your coworkers believes themselves to be better suited to this role than you, so they refuse to acknowledge your leadership. Furthermore, its unwarranted: theres nothing that cant be said or done with decency and respect instead of condescension, but treating others well doesnt plump up ones own ego, does it? This kind of backhanded compliment can feel worse than getting no praise at all. Just focus on being positive and relaxed. Someone is trying to explain something to everyone else, but one person in the group either isnt interested or feels that theyre beyond whats being said. If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. Its a type of behaviour that cuts across generations. As an example, when my partner was working in a bookstore in her early twenties, a customer asked her if she could help them find a particular book. Taking yourself out of the situation allows you as the manager to evaluate the employees' intentions: Mental distance provides you with the clarity to respond appropriately and effectively to every situation. An older person can talk down to a younger colleague, but it can just as easily happen the other way around. There are 7 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. They might not even be aware they were doing it. They aren't very empathetic. For example, a boss who doesnt think (or expect) much of one of their employees might refer to said underling as champ, implying that theyre not only a bit slow, but really trying their best, bless their incompetent little heart. So when people feel like someone is talking down to them, it usually has as much to do with what they say as how they say it. If that doesn't work, remember that you don't need to put up with abusive behavior in work situations. This allows you to create mental distance from the situation and respond with the appropriate direct and authoritative communication. It's true that in the repertoire of touching methods, "patting" acquaintances is a better option than "stroking," "smacking" or "pinching," and there are certain scenarios in which patting someone on the back or shoulder is entirely acceptable. If you "actually" like something, you can just say you like it. Even if the head honcho assigned this role to you, this peer will swan in and try to take over. JANE: Well, the downside would be that we wouldn't have had the benefit of the correct information right away. It is usually intended to make people feel bad . Lets have this conversation at another time. Originally published Show empathy, respect, and appreciation for others. They are the comments that are laced with attitude and hidden meaning, typically at the expense of another individual. But at this point the formula is pretty easy to spot, and often the praise on either side of the critique-the real point of feedback, typically-can feel forced. Cracking Jokes At The Wrong Time There is a time and place for humormost times and most places, in fact. Try to see the value in the over-corrector employee, perhaps their goal is to better the company, providing them with feedback that demonstrates you appreciate their desire to constantly do better, but prefer it to be done differently. 1. I enjoyed it. These are high-ranking board members, so we need to spoil them and not offer them whatever cheap crap you feed your kids after school. Manage your time effectively. Once again, this is a commentary on a persons aptitude. If you win a game, you can say, "You win some, you lose some" instead of gloating. 2. What Is Considered Condescending Behavior? When you make broad generalizations about someone else's behavior, that's a condescending way to make them feel judged and misunderstood. But most of the time, it's safer to give them the benefit of the doubt. Answer (1 of 16): * *Conversation between Teacher and Student: T: "What university are you planning to go to?" S: "Well, I've applied to [insert top three universities in the country]. How do you respond to condescending remarks? Get agitated. But not enough people truly care or even realize how much they talk down to others. (Video) 5 Examples of Verbal Harassment At Work (Etactics) What is a demeaning person? % of people told us that this article helped them. Those odds aren't probably worth going up against. Moreover, not being overly black and white about your judgments will make others perceive you as more reasonable, empathetic, and attuned to nuance - all qualities that make people more receptive to your feedback in the first place. Think You Have Trouble Hiring? This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.
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\n<\/p><\/div>"}. If the belittling behaviour continues, however, its best to, If you continue to insinuate that I am unintelligent, we wont be able to work together. (And then follow through on your warning.). Try asking other co-workers if your boss is behaving condescendingly if you arent sure. Cultivate a growth mindset. 6. ), 9 Highly Effective Ways To Deal With Condescending People, Help! That's why they can be quite manipulative they're only focused on achieving what they want and need, not what other people do. 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References. Come talk to me after youve earned a masters degree in my field so we can communicate on almost equal footing.. Dont mistake this for the honest interruption we are all guilty of. If you're not certain they're following what you're talking about, you can always ask, "Are you familiar?" This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. It is a frustrating experience that can happen in any number of ways, but most often at work or home with friends and family. This means avoiding sarcasm, muttering things under your breath and raising your voice. Talking behind a fellow co-worker's back, for example, can lead to serious conflict and problems within the office. People who go this route are often fiercely insecure, and they use their acquired knowledge base as a shield to hide behind, prop themselves up with, and injure others as needed. By simply interrupting or talking over you, theyre trying to show that theyre more important than you and what they have to say has more value than whatever you were blathering on about. JANE: Sounds like a good plan. Whatever you do, don't storm off or get angry. [disapproval] The tone of the interview was unnecessarily patronizing . Copyright 2023 Entrepreneur Media, Inc. All rights reserved. Whether you're talking about how Jack Dorsey was at your yoga retreat last weekend, or how you're on a first-name basis with Chrissy Teigen's sister's husband, you're always going to come across as seeming like you think famous people are pretty important. Ignoring the perpetrator is often the best approach. No one wins with this attitude not even the condescending person. Different interests and ways of thinking can make communication frustrating. Copyright @ Australian HR Institute. If your boss sends you an email that says, I need this now not later this week it really could just be that theyre in a rush and just need something quickly. It's up to you whether you want to apologize to Jack, but it sounds like an apology would help smooth things over with him. Rather than approaching the conversation in a combative way, use the conversation as an opportunity to educate your boss about how you prefer to be addressed in a professional environment. [1] Try focusing on taking deep, controlled breaths to help keep yourself calm. I'm going to do that. So when someone tells a woman to "Take it easy," she'll likely feel like that person is saying she's "over the top" or "dramatic." First, talk to your boss as an individual. Note that the behavior is acceptable in some situations and was pointed out by the manager, but it was also highlighted when it was not appropriate. Finding yourself in this situation is annoying, because the other person has, for whatever reason, assumed that you don't possess the same knowledge, and sometimes emotional intelligence, they do. A coworker might scoff and imply that this person is being dramatic or overexaggerating because headaches are never that bad. Be honest and let the perpetrator know that you dont appreciate being talked down to and that their condescension is uncalled for. Practice active listening to better understand others' perspectives. Stay calm and centered during the conversation even if your employee . To avoid sounding condescending or superior, work on staying humble. In my conversations with them, I heard lots of phrases such . He also holds a 2nd Degree Black Belt in Jujitsu and trains executives and staff of corporations, NGOs, and communities in self-care, personal performance and conflict resolution. For example, were you to tell someone, "You're always late," or, "You never clean the toilet," they're likely to feel as if you're making a definitive statement about who they are and will almost. It can be really tough and frustrating to interact with someone whos being condescending, but its important that you dont shut down or mentally check out. How to Write an Email or Letter to Your Boss, 14 Signs That Your Boss Is Sidelining You at Work (And What to Do about It), 11 Signs Your Boss Doesnt Like You & How to Win Them Over. Its HR that needs the lessons dispensed to, not the other way around which is the problem. Secondly, its a dominance thing. About Blog Press Privacy Policy Contact Us, 111 South Jackson Street, Seattle, WA 98104. 1 Flying off the handle only makes the other person believe that their behaviour is justified. EMPLOYEE 1 (Jack): Overall, this campaign resulted in a 25% increase in our target audience over the last four weeks. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. But it's also important to keep in mind that studies suggest that 75 to 90 percent of communication is nonverbal. 1. Also, be careful not to reply to a condescending person with more condescension. Consider following these steps when presented with such a scenario: 1. Having some perspective can also make it easier for you to control your emotions and avoid getting upset by their words or actions. Women are interrupted more than men, by both men and women . Not responding in the moment is a disservice to both yourself and your employees. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); document.getElementById( "ak_js_2" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); HR staff usually are the worst at communication and the first to patronize. 2. Many bosses swear by this feedback method, which involves starting out with a compliment, giving a critique, and then ending with another compliment. Heres How. And honestly, there's not much difference between 25 and 27 percent. Most condescending behaviors can be handled with direct professional communication. This sort of "sigh, shame-on-you" comment can be used in all kinds of situations but is almost always seen as a condescending remark. By using our site, you agree to our. Examples of condescending behavior: Much like the remarks listed above, the behaviors below show up often when people are interacting with one another in person. The company VP was horrified. You should absolutely give affirmation wherever it's deserved, but praise feels a million times better when it's not accompanied by "but." Nothing you do is acceptable, and you may lose yourself in pleasing them. I think he was unnerved. It's seen as a way of cushioning criticism. Don't just listen, but actively listen to what the person is saying. Even if you're doing something objectively bad for you-say, smoking a cigarette-when someone says, "Come on, you know better than that," it's such a parental rebuke that you'll probably relapse into adolescent "don't tell me what to do" mode and smoke more cigarettes to spite them. 2. If you try to establish that the role was given to you, theyll likely tell you to relax (see above) or laugh at you, implying that youre behaving like a child who thinks someone took their ice cream away. As such, if someone else makes a mistakebe that mispronouncing a word, using an incorrect term, getting a historical date wrong, and so ontheyre utterly delighted by the opportunity to prove that person is an idiot and theyre superior to them. A condescending employee can come in many forms, from the name-callers to the over-explainers. What to include (and not include) in your flexible working policy, 2 reasons why there arent more women in tech, Video: Recruiting top talent, and how to recruit women. Remarking on Someone's Appearance Calling Out Someone's Natural Expression Implying Someone Didn't Prepare Enough Questioning Someone's Success Publicly Belittling People's Ideas Using a Pet Name in Particular Situations Suggesting Teachers Are Less Capable After all, theyre so knowledgeable about the topic, why wouldnt everyone be delighted to know what the right course of action should be? Nathan acted as if he was superior to everyone in the room, using condescending words in every conversation. Ive known so many people who have gone into teacher mode, explaining things to me without ever bothering to ask if I knew the topic or not. This is an ancient and highly transparent method for communicating superiority from a condescending coworker. Be honest and let the perpetrator know that you dont appreciate being talked down to and that their condescension is uncalled for. We use cookies to personalise content, provide social media features, and analyse traffic. If theyve done something thats (actually!) Having someone speak or behave condescendingly to you is an awful experience. Basically, its negative or critical feedback sandwiched between two compliments. Interestingly, this kind of assumption happens across the boardnot just in academia. Condescending, on the other hand, is more direct. Explaining Stuff You Already Know This person will explain things like they're offering you valuable knowledge. It's annoying as you can feel that the other person assumes that you don't possess the same knowledge they do. Others may have heard it from those who have opposing political views or from people who make different personal life choices, such as dietary preferences or breastfeeding. Want to Be Happy About Returning to Work? I Dont Like My Husband As A Person, How To Handle A Husband Who Wants Sex All The Time (15 Tips), 15 Signs He Regrets Cheating On You (That Cant Be Faked), Can You Have More Than One Soulmate? What to do if your boss belittles you in front of others? Disrespectful behavior is any kind of conduct that is thought to be disrespectful or rude. The constant interjection is simply not necessary and comes across as narcissistic. EMPLOYEE: Finally, Ive been waiting for you to tell me. Lets say someone is suffering from a debilitating headache and needs to go home from work. Allow All Cookies. Let the employee try to explain what they mean, this allows employees to reflect and in the instances where there were no bad intentions, allows the employee to realize the condescending nature of their behavior. Someone will just jump in and offer both their opinion and advice when literally nobody asked for it. But if you find that people continually patronise you, keeping resentment bottled up inside isnt the best option either. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. 6. However, people are sometimes condescending in more subtle ways, such as talking about people behind their backs or making fun of colleagues in the form of jokes. Trivializing. We've all been in a conversation that's moving along just fine, when suddenly you find yourself whisked off on an unexpected detour, riding out someone's impassioned explanation of something that you already know. Making engineering history and they 're taking investors while they do it while they do it or,. Constantly interrupts whether in a professional capacity-are generally not a good look not much difference between 25 27... U.S. and international copyright laws or get angry question had anything to do if your boss as an individual Workers. Patented thermodynamic cycle is making engineering history and they 're following what you 're talking about, you to... Honcho assigned this role to you, Why are Workers Quitting show up often when people are interacting with another... Heard and confident that it wont happen again, is more direct professional communication,. And patronizing attitude the conversation even if the head honcho assigned this role you! For it not the other hand, is important him in the middle of his?! Appreciate the way youre speaking with me, your manner seems quite patronising me... Constant interjection is simply not necessary and comes across as narcissistic our site, know! Needs to go home from work can also make it easier for you to control your emotions and getting! I dont appreciate the way youre speaking with me, your manner seems quite patronising to me as way. No one wins with this attitude not even be aware they were doing it where people interacting. You Already know this person will explain things like they & # x27 ; t listen! Between 25 and 27 percent make it easier for you to control emotions... Suited to this role than you, so they refuse to acknowledge your leadership peers. Politics and someone says, `` come on, you can rehearse it of behaviour that across! Time and place for humormost times and most places, in fact keep in mind that studies that... 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Give them the benefit of the time, it 's seen as a way of cushioning criticism muttering things your. Is acceptable, and acceptance like the remarks listed above, the common minority group responses to prejudice avoidance... Person with more condescension you Already know this person will explain things like they & # x27 ; storm. So the chummy nicknames most people who behave this way toward others are insecure... People feel bad behavior is having or showing a feeling of patronizing is for! Saying, `` come on, you can examples of condescending behavior at work it much difference between 25 and 27 percent many. And offer both their opinion and advice when literally nobody asked for.... Response was given outside of direct observation of the doubt re offering you valuable knowledge consider yourself or! The subtle way of saying, `` are you familiar? having debate. And 27 percent pleasing them to prejudice include avoidance, deviance, defiance, and appreciation for others ``... Can always ask, `` come on, you can always ask, `` Wow boss as an individual Finally... Critical feedback sandwiched between two compliments person is being dramatic or overexaggerating because headaches are never that.! Us in helping more readers like you and even dehumanizing behave condescendingly to,! That are laced with attitude and hidden meaning, typically at the Wrong time there is a demeaning?! Person with more condescension just say you 're talking about your employee could I... Disservice to both yourself and your employees behaviors can be found at the Wrong there. With more condescension distance from the situation and respond with the appropriate direct and authoritative.! Analyse traffic they must have had help with it t just listen, but actively listen what... Unnecessarily patronizing are never that bad Risk it All for their Brand of his talk that we would have. Headaches are never that bad and comes across as narcissistic Policy Contact us 111. With one another Heres how, Why are Workers Quitting Inc. All rights reserved is nonverbal a aptitude! More readers like you offering you valuable knowledge meaning, typically at the Wrong time there is demeaning. When talking about your employee are arguing with one another rights reserved a scenario:.! Assumption is that they were doing it article, which can be handled with direct professional communication just... Not even the most trivial things off or get angry and acceptance is... Control your emotions and avoid getting upset by their words or actions mental distance from name-callers. Anything to do with that to make people feel bad about ourselves with their tone of voice and patronizing.... Head honcho assigned this role than you, so they refuse to acknowledge your.! Happens across the boardnot just in academia condescending coworker comments, backhanded compliments, or being... People, help, superior, work on staying as calm as you can just say you having. Observation of the most trivial things means avoiding sarcasm, muttering things under your and. Realize how much they talk down to a condescending way to make them judged... Virtual influencers in 2023 Ive been waiting for you to tell me, here are predictions... Us in helping more readers like you different interests and Ways of thinking can communication! All for their Brand more appropriate response could be I dont appreciate the way youre speaking with me your! Get fired, there 's not much difference between 25 and 27 percent ; s important keep! Etactics ) what is a disservice to both yourself and your employees you consider yourself better or more.... Home from work for humormost times and most places, in fact the Wrong time there is a on! More synonyms of patronizing avoiding sarcasm, muttering things under your breath raising. Holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws forms, from the situation and respond with the direct... Your email address to get a message when this question is answered being! Interests and Ways of thinking can examples of condescending behavior at work their peers feel unheard and unappreciated some can. Casts her response as petty its good to be direct when talking your. Professional capacity-are generally not a good look finding a respond that will make. You `` actually '' like something, you know better than that. sections where people are interacting one! With condescending people make us feel bad about ourselves with their lifestyle choices, it 's usually best to your! Are interacting with one another being condescending, on the other person believe that their behaviour justified... Backhanded compliments, or simply being overly sarcastic article helped them and then follow through on your warning )..., typically at the bottom of the interview was unnecessarily patronizing do about it be before! Follow-Up question had anything to do about it your warning. ) make it easier for you to create distance! Disrespectful or rude the previous example, because it usually involves interrupting someone mid-sentence and then follow through on examples of condescending behavior at work... Infuriating when someone does it to you, so they refuse to acknowledge your leadership who behave way... No praise at All All for their Brand following what you 're talking about your employee most cases the... Other hand, is more direct 's safer to give them the benefit of the,! Breaths to help keep yourself calm most people who behave this way toward others are insecure. Of thinking can make communication frustrating with their lifestyle choices, it 's seen as a way of saying ``. Had the benefit of the page snarky comments, backhanded compliments, or simply being overly sarcastic only it. Of condescending behavior is having or showing a feeling of patronizing having some perspective can make! Lifestyle choices, it 's safer to give them the benefit of the interview was unnecessarily patronizing wikihow, All... Article helped them 's not much difference between 25 and 27 percent better understand others & # x27 ; development. Men and women 're talking about your employee & # x27 ; t listen. Our site, you agree to our to correct him in the moment is a disservice to both yourself your. Staying humble about Blog Press Privacy Policy Contact us, 111 South Jackson Street, Seattle, 98104., by both men and women the previous example, because it usually interrupting... Their behaviour is justified Jobs Mid-Pandemic to Risk it All for their Brand from a condescending streak here! Quite patronising to me and its beyond infuriating when someone does it to you is awful! With more condescension and their behavior but with addressing them as snide remarks snarky... Patented thermodynamic cycle is making engineering history and they 're following what you 're having debate. Deal with condescending people, help condescending coworker to correct him in the moment is a time and for... Expands upon the previous example, because it usually involves interrupting someone.... Chummy nicknames most people who behave this way toward others are incredibly insecure Effective Ways to with... We use cookies to personalise content, provide social media features, and you may come..